You Can't Fight Fate
by Its.Rachel.Love
Summary: What if... Bella and Alice couldn't stop Edward?... but instead of dying, he joined the Volturi? What would happen when fate brought him back to Forks, to stop the killings in Seattle? Would fate be kinder to him and Bella, this time around?
1. Chapter 1: Edward's POV

Sometimes, kismet comes just a little too late.

"Jane, do you think it is safe to bring him with us? We have no way of knowing how he'll react. We need to be discreet. I don't trust him enough to believe he has the self control…"

They were speaking of me like I wasn't in the room. This subtly registered with me that it was rude. But only for a second. I was too busy picking their thoughts, listening to things they wouldn't dare say out loud, wondering, if maybe Felix was right. What would happen if they took me with them, back to the one place I swore I would never return? But that promise was sort of pointless anymore, since she was…

Stop. I had to force myself back to their conversation before my thoughts took completely over. Ha, I laughed to myself. Like there would ever be a second of the day where she wasn't in my head. Never. But I had to ask myself, why exactly was I so willing to return? Why did I feel I need it so badly? Closure, perhaps?

No. Now I _was_ lying to myself. I knew the only reason I wanted to return was to see for myself. To vainly prove that it was not true. That my worst nightmare had actually not occurred, leaving me on this planet, more alone than I had ever been. As absurd as this thought path may be, I knew I needed to go back to my former home. One last time… I sort of began looking at it as a goodbye. Goodbye to the life I almost lived. With the girl who was the truest of loves; my soul mate. _Ha_, I laughed again in my mind. Maybe Carlisle's theories were wearing off on me.

I knew, if they took me with them, this would be my last look at the one place that was truly home to me. I had a romantic notion in my head, that this would be the place of my demise, the last place she has existed, where I would come to an end as well.

I turned my attention back to the conversation, which, literally meant life or death to me.

Felix seemed, agitated. Something about the look in my eyes made him not trust me. He didn't think I could "handle" this little trip. He thought I would be the same as I had been when I first came to Volterra, almost a half a year ago.

If only he knew that I planned on never returning.

I'll admit, I was unnecessarily difficult in the beginning. And unrightfully so. While the Volturi bothered me more than almost anything else in our world, they did not deserve my bad behavior. I was upset with myself. Of all the days that my self-conscience should bring up that promise, it had to have been the worst. "You must never, never, never think of anything like that again!" She had yelled at me. "No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!"

I remember that moment perfectly. I had just spoken to Aro, asking him to die. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, her angry, beautiful voice rushed back into my head, filling it with the command she had given me. Just by hearing her words, I felt like I might die right then and there. Even though I had never agreed to the promise, I felt compelled to obey.

Once I knew that Aro would never agree to help me, I needed to think of something else. A distraction, or at least an attempt at one. Although, deep down, I knew not even the most drastic change of scenery could make me forget her. But I had to try someting. I couldn't return home, to my family who loved me no matter what I put them through. It wasn't fair to them, to have to watch me, day after day, slowly lose the fight of my will to continue. It broke their hearts more than I could probably imagine.

Esme jumped into my thoughts just then, her facial expression mirroring the same as the last time I had seen her. She had tried to be so brave, put on the strong face so I wouldn't see how much I had hurt her. It didn't help her cause that I could read every thought that ran through her head in that moment. But it wasn't what she was thinking that makes this memory so unbearable. It was the pain… the pain in her eyes that she couldn't hide, no matter how hard she tried. She loved me like a son, and I had managed to hurt her more than anyone. Well, with one exception.

I must admit, Esme was part of the reason I was here… alive. While the command was the dominant explanation for me still existing, I knew that it would kill Esme to know that I had ended my existence. I know it wouldn't literally kill her, but her joy would be forever gone. The rest of my family too. Although nothing could really bring down Alice, I was certain this would. Emmet too, which would put Rose in a horrible mood for the rest of eternity. No, I certainly could not do that to my family. They deserved so much more than that.

Just then, Jane turned to look at me, her wide, childlike eyes gazing into mine.

"No, I trust him," she said, glancing at Felix for a fraction of a second before returning her eyes to mine. "Bring him. I'm sure he'll be useful."

It was the closest thing to joy that I had come to in months.


	2. Chapter 2: Bella's POV

Hi! This is my first time... doing anything like this. Seriously, I really don't even write, just read. A LOT. And I love these books. Soo... This is a huge step for me... I hope you enjoy them, and please review! And I want your honest opinion too. Ahh. so this is so scary! Ok. read, and I hope you enjoy this!

Disclaimer... sadly, I do not own this. I am not Stephenie Meyer, and I have no where near the talent to come up with something like this on my own. Sigh.

* * *

**It's funny how some things don't work out...**

"Come on, Alice! You've been messing with my hair all morning. It doesn't hold curl. I don't understand why I need to tell you this 45 times. I've tried it enough times for special occasions to know. Oh, and speaking of special occasions, since this ISN'T one, do you mind telling me why on earth you're doing this just for school?" My tone got snippier as my complaint went on. I knew I wasn't being fair. Alice was just being Alice, and I knew she couldn't help it. It was sort of like a mental illness.

Alice got a martyred look on her face.

"Bella…" She started.

I sighed. With just one word, she had me feeling guilty. She was good. Almost as good as…

No. I definitely wasn't going to go down that memory lane this morning. It was funny though. Every since the Cullen's moved back to Forks after my little episode with the cliff, followed by a vain attempt to save the youngest son from the evil, royal vampire family, the Volturi, I was whole again. Not whole in the sense that there had never been a wound, but whole in the sense that I was healed. And healed, as I know, do not mean perfect. Every once in awhile, I could feel the edges, the built up scar tissue throb. Like, the things that healed me weren't a perfect fit for the whole. They worked, and most often did their job, but occasionally something would slip through, like a scar ripping open. While having the Cullen family back in Forks brought me indescribable joy, it would never be complete without the one we never spoke of.

At first, it bothered me that they never mentioned him. While I hadn't gotten over him—nowhere close, either—I had gotten over the pain even the sound of his name on someone else's lips caused. However, saying the name, even if it was just in my head, was quite a different story.

I sighed. Alice read my face in the mirror.

"Bella, I know what you're thinking. And it's not healthy. You've got to stop…" She trailed off as she noted the change of expression in my face. She knew I hated it when she tried to console me like this, with her, "its better this way" pep talk. Not only did I not believe it, I knew she didn't either.

I looked down. It was so much easier to lie to her when she wasn't studying my face. "Really, it's OK. I was just thinking about the last time you curled my hair." I slightly grimaced at the thought of prom, a little over a year ago. "How I sat here and complained that time too. Funny how some things never change."

I glanced back up when she hadn't said anything. Suddenly my heartbeat picked up. She was still staring at me, though I knew she wasn't seeing me. She had that look—at look I had come to know very well.

"Jasper!" I yelled with an edge of hysteria in my voice. No matter how many times I saw her "gift" in action, I never fully got used to it. It unnerved me. Probably because what she was seeing seemed to always have something to do with me.

Jasper was by my side in the length of a human heartbeat. He was calm, and I felt myself calm as well. Whether it was due to his presence or his unique gift, I'm not sure.

Jasper was holding Alice's hands, waiting for the vision to pass. He was calm, and so was I. I sat, and waited. Waited to hear what kind of evil or trouble or situation she saw me getting in. I sighed. Some things don't ever change, indeed.

Alice came back to the present setting just then. My head snapped up, just in time to see the look exchanged between the couple. Jasper ever so slightly tipped his head downward in my direction, and Alice slowly shook her head. I sighed again. I'm much more observant than they give me credit for.

Jasper, who was usually much more reserved in my presence, bent his head, kissed Alice in the forehead and sprinted from the room. I gawked for a second after he left, before I turned back to look at Alice through the mirror.

Her face shocked me. It hurt to look at her. I'd never seen her look so, so… glorious. Her eyes were bright and shining, lips turned up into the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. She was an angel.

It took me a moment to find my voice. What had she seen? It was obviously a good vision—even if she was trying to fake for my sake, she couldn't pretend this kind of joy. No, it was definitely a good vision.

I wondered if I would be able to share in her joy. I thought a moment. The only kind of news that could get that sort of response from me would be…

Oh, for God's sake. Stop it, Bella. Stop, stop, stop. I repeated in my head as I breathed slowly in and out. It's not going to happen. Even if it did, it could never possibly yield the happy ending I secretly longed for. I glanced back at Alice. Her face was more composed, then Renaissance angel's expression hidden carefully with some difficulty. Huh. That was odd. Why wasn't she practically bursting to tell me the good news?

Before I could say anything, she spoke.

"Bella, I'm not sure curling you hair was such a good idea. I mean, look at the weather! It's hardly going to stay curled with that humidity outside. Better to let it hang straight as always then look like some sad attempt at curls. Oh, well. Hey! You better get to school. You'll be late, you know. With the way you drive and all."

I was too flustered by her sudden, and obvious desire to get rid of me to even notice the slight quips. She was, after all, my best friend, she had a right to her opinion about my appearance. That's what she liked to tell me, at least.

"But Alice! It's only 7… I don't need to be leaving here for another half an hour! Besides, I want to know what you saw." I was getting a little indignant, and I could tell she knew I wasn't leaving without an explanation—or a fight.

"It wasn't really anything to concern you, Bella. Just some exciting news concerning our friends in Denali." She said extra slowly, like she was choosing her words very carefully.

Needless to say, I wasn't buying it.

"But, you looked so happy! So joyful! And it was just over news that was affecting your friends? That doesn't make much sense, Alice. And, I don't believe you."

"Seriously, Bella. Don't be so mistrusting. It isn't becoming. Look, I'll explain more to you after school—it'll make much more sense when you can have the entire story. But I can't start it now, I won't be able to finish in time for you to be at school when you need to be, and I know you won't leave without hearing all of it. So, be patient. Go to school, and come back as soon as you're done. Then I'll tell you everything. I promise."

Slowly, her wholly logic was working on me. I was getting way too worked up. My imagination was getting the better of me. I think what was happening is called wishful thinking. And wishful it was…

Stop. I mentally slapped myself in the face before I could continue on my very unhealthy stroll down memory lane.

Alice was looking at me curiously, and I realized it was because of the doe-eyed look on my face. Oh.

"Why aren't you coming to school, again?"

"I promised Esme and Rosalie I'd go hunting with them. And since you've been over here a lot more…"

She didn't need to finish. I knew what she meant.

I sighed, for seemed like the hundredth time this morning.

"I'm sorry I make it so hard sometimes, Alice. It's just that, since you've all be back, I finally feel happy again. And I can't seem to stay away…" That thought alone made me sink into depression.

"Don't be absurd, Bella. We want you here. You belong here. You are family, you know. We all think of you that way. You're my sister, not just in words, but truly. It's the only way I think of you."

I smiled. As much as I may love Charlie, this was my true home. I belonged to this family, at least in some sense. But I often to longed to really belong to the Cullen's, in a way that seemed like it was within my reach just a short time before.

"OK! Out! I have matters to attend to! I'll see you after school, can you be here by 3?" She smirked, obviously thinking of my poor senior citizen truck that barely reached the speed limit.

I glared. "Of course, Alice. What did I tell you about remarks regarding my truck? I love it, which means you should respect it." I added with mock dignity.

"Silly, silly, Bella…" She called from the hallway, in her musical voice. I followed her out the door of the bathroom.

I walked straight down the hall, never looking anywhere but right in front of me. It seemed that no matter where I glanced, I was reminded of some memory from my distant past. Since walking with my eyes closed was out of the question, considering my track record with accidents, I had to settle for straight ahead. But, no matter how hard I tried, I always saw the door out of the corner of my eye. The door no one touched. It remained closed at all times, and as far as I knew, not even Esme went in to clean. And every time I saw it, I felt the tug of the scar on my heart. I slowed for a second, something I'd never allowed myself to do before. "What if…?" I thought. No, it would be silly and definitely self-destructive to even take a peek at the room. And it definitely wasn't the time for it, either.

I kept moving, picking up my pace when I heard Alice call my name.

I said my good-byes, promising Alice I'd be back by 3, and hopped into my truck, on my way to school.


	3. Chapter 3: Alice's POV

"Start from the very beginning, Alice. What exactly did you see?" Carlisle asked me once Bella was gone and the family assembled in the dining room.

"Well. It went in spurts, actually. Some parts were perfectly clear, like it was happening right in front of me, and others were hazy, and I can't tell exactly where they were or what was being said. What I do know though, is that something is bringing the Volturi here. Something… they have to fix? Stop?" I was half talking to myself by this point. I shook my head. It was extremely annoying when things weren't perfectly clear. Annoying, and inconvenient.

"Has anyone seen anything in the news or heard anything recently that might spark their interest?" Carlisle was asking everyone.

"There's been some killings in Seattle. It looks suspicious-- like a newborn is loose. I've been trying to keep up with the story, but I'm not sure if it is what is bringing them here or not." Jasper said, a look of deep concentration coming over his face.

I smiled. That was my favorite look of his.

"Hmm. Well, it's definitely worth us looking into. We should keep a closer eye on the situation, Seattle being so close to here and all." Carlisle commented.

"Alice, please. You know what it is we all want to hear, so please, please continue explaining your vision!" Esme was practically as excited as I was. She was barely able to contain herself.

I noticed I was bouncing in my seat. That probably wasn't helping the already tense room.

I settled myself, and looked around the room at my family. They were all here, except for the one that we were meeting about. He wasn't here; but soon he would be.

It was a happy thought, for me especially. No one missed him more than me. But at the same time, I couldn't help but wonder what kind of condition he would be in. Also, would he leave again? There was no need. She was safe, even with us here. His homecoming couldn't possibly bring a round of danger for her. He was always so self-sacrificing. This fact made it almost inevitable that he would leave again. And when he left, how much more of my family's joy could he possibly take with him? I sighed. This was not my normal way of thinking. When did I become such a pessimist? Bella. I nearly snorted when I thought her attitude was wearing off on me.

I snapped back into my bouncy self as I looked at the eager, and slightly frustrated faces around the table. They were obviously annoyed that I was keeping my information from them. Even Rosalie seemed interested.

I began to tell the story.

"Well, whatever it is, something is bringing the Volturi here. I could see them discussing it—it looked like Aro and Marcus were talking about the situation. Then Edward's"—I noticed the look on everyone's face when I finally said his name out loud—"face flashed to my mind. That immediately caught my attention, even more so that before. This part was perfectly clear. He was leaving Volterra, with Jane and Felix. They were headed here, to stop whatever is going on in Seattle, I suppose. The scene changed again, this time he was here. Well, not here in the house, but wandering around Forks. I saw him at the school, on the streets, at the hospital, over in the cemetery—" I stopped. That's it. He had had such a pained and lost look on his face; I was confused by what he was doing at first. It just now hit me. He was searching for her—for Bella. Well, not really her, but something that could tell him what had happened, or something that reminded him of her. All the time they spent together at school, and he was on the same streets that they drove so many times together. He was at the hospital searching for evidence—a death certificate of some kind. And finally, to the cemetery to see for himself.

This thought would have broken my heart if that were possible.

"He was looking for her…" My voice barely a whisper by human standards.

My family heard. They knew who exactly "her" was. They understood the look of pain on my face.

He didn't know. There was no way for him to. He had no idea that Bella, his one and only true love, was alive and well, living in the exact same place he had left her, not so long ago. That day—the fateful day Bella jumped, purely for idiotic recreational purposes only—had set things into motion.

I glanced sideways at Rosalie. She was looking at me, her face in pure agony. She knew what she did. And as much as I may want it to be solely her fault, I knew that wasn't fair. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions that day…

But was I supposed to think? She jumped of the damn cliff, for God's sake! No, it wasn't anyone's fault, really. Just a huge, mistakenly, life-altering miscommunication. I sighed again. This was fate, I suppose. It was fate that Edward joined the guard of the Volturi, and fate that was bringing him here—home—again.

I tried to focus on the fact that he would be here, so soon. And how good it would be to see him, no matter how short the visit might be.

I rearranged my features into a smile, but it didn't have the same bouncy energy it did a moment ago.

"The important thing is, he will be here. We will see him, and he will see us. I can't make out his reaction—that part was a little fuzzy—to the fact that we came back to live here. I can't imagine he'll too upset, since he believes Bella is gone, but when he finds out she's alive, he might not be too happy with us." I could feel myself frown for having to use words like "imagine" and "might". What good was having the gift of seeing the future when I couldn't see the most important things?

"Alice…" Esme started, and I could tell by her careful tone what she was about to ask. Everyone else could too, by the way they seemed to bore into my eyes with their own. I had their complete attention when I answered the unspoken question.

"I'm not sure. After I saw him wandering around town, I saw him come here to see us. But after that scene, everything was jumbled and hazy." I was annoyed again. It was such an important thing—possibly the most important thing—and I couldn't see it! "But, regardless of what the vision shows, he _will_ know Bella is alive. I'm going to make sure of it."


	4. Chapter 4: Bella's POV

Thanks for commenting guys!! I know I just started posting this today, but that's because I've had this much finished for awhile now. This is the last chapter I have done, so it might be a couple day before I update again. But the more reviews I get... may make it sooner... hmm. :) Anyways, leave comments please! Also, leave any suggestions... things you want to see. Thanks!

Disclaimer... I don't own this. Nor will I ever own this. That thought makes me slightly sad...

School was a blur. I really couldn't focus on anything in any class—English included. We were studying Shakespeare—Romeo and Juliet to be exact—so I think it was a secret blessing that my mind wouldn't stay alert to the information.

But, just because I couldn't focus on the lecture, it didn't mean that my thoughts didn't involunarily stray to the subject.

I flinched internally at the thought of the bittersweet play. Was it really so different from my own life? No. was my immediate answer. And, in the mechanics, it really wasn't. But as I thought more carefully about certain themes all throughout the play, there were some very contrasting differences.

First of all, there really was never an option B for me. While, at one point, Jacob Black—my best friend and werewolf—could have been my very own Paris, that wasn't the case anymore. Since the return of the Cullens and my obvious joy over their homecoming, he hadn't spoken to me. I had betrayed him, hurt him more in those few seconds than I had ever hurt anyone before. But it was more than the fact that he wasn't speaking to me. There truly was never another option, Jake or no Jake. I would really only ever love one. And he was off in Italy now, being "distracted". He was half way around the world, my heart and ability to love with him, whether he knew it or not.

There were other differences, some less important that others, like our family's never hated each other. While Charlie did hate _him_ with every fiber of his being, he did not regard the rest of the family in the same way. He loved Alice, was overjoyed when he heard that Carlisle had returned to work in the hospital, and was even more accepting of Emmet— the most intimidating of the Cullen men by far. The Cullens in return loved me, like I was their very own family. And because of that, they loved Charlie too.

No, that was a fairly trivial difference.

The most important caused a pull on the fault line in my heart, knocking me almost breathless.

Romeo never wanted to leave his new bride, Juliet. He only did it to keep them safe. He wanted her, just as much, if not more than they first day he saw her. She was the love of his life, and no matter how hard it was for him to leave her, he knew he needed to.

_Haha_. I laughed bitterly to myself. My Romeo had been slightly more selfish. Not that I could ever possibly blame him, no. No matter how much I wanted _my_ _pain_ and _my_ _weakness_ to be his fault, I could never bring myself to blame him. I was, only human, after all. It was only a matter of time before he was bored with me.

Yes, the biggest difference was hard to think of, but here it was. Romeo left Juliet because it was all he could do to protect them. He left, while he secretly would have rather died than stay away from her. He never wanted to be anywhere she wasn't. Even death couldn't separate them.

My mind suddenly flashed back to that day in my living room, watching this very play I was dissecting in my thoughts now. _"Well, I wasn't going to live without you."_ He had said to me that fateful day of my eighteenth birthday. He told me of his little contingency plans, to end his life if he had found me dead in Phoenix.

My sub-conscience raised one question, _"Was it the same?" _

Bitterly, I thought, _"Yes, at that moment it had been the same." _

But so much had changed since then. Most of it happening within a few days of that conversation. There were actions, looks, and most importantly, words, that cancelled out all he had told me on that day. He had loved me, of that I was sure. But he was as unpredictable as his mood swings.

At least he hadn't followed through with his plans. It made living easier; knowing he was alive still.

The biggest difference was this: Romeo left when he **didn't** want to; _He_ left _me_ only because he **did** want to.

All along, I knew this was true, but I had never consciously formed the thought. The affect made breathing harder.

I struggled to push every thought back somewhere so I didn't have to consciously think about it. I looked up, to see Mike standing in front of me, with a concerned look on his face. It registered with me that the bell had already rang, and everyone had cleared out of the classroom, heading home for the day. Oops.

"Bella, are you OK? You look like you might faint or something." Mike was saying.

I nodded vaguely. "Just thinking, Mike. It's OK. I'm fine." Second lie I told today. It was starting to get easier for me, lying was. That scared me slightly. I had a feeling being good at lying wasn't necessarily a good thing.

"Ok, well, let's go. I'll walk you to your truck."

We walked in silence; slowly I came back to the present situation.

"Thanks, Mike." I said has he handed me back my bag. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Err, OK. See ya." He hesitated, a torn look on his face. I knew that look, and I knew what was coming next. Would he ever stop trying?

I knew the answer to that, as well. And I groaned silently as I braced myself for what he was going to ask.

"Look, Bella, I know you and—well, you know, were serious and everything about…" He paused to gage my reaction. I flinched at his words. "I'm just saying, I don't think he's coming…" He sighed. And I knew what he was getting at.

"Look, Mike, it really doesn't have anything to do with—Edward—" I had to stop. I could tell by his reaction that he didn't believe me. I continued anyways. "I just have always thought of you as a friend. A very good friend, but that's all."

I looked reluctantly at his face to see his reaction. He looked hurt at first, but then strangely hopeful.

"You said you've always thought of me as a friend… but it could change right? You think that now, but you have no idea what you'll be feeling tomorrow."

I sighed. Things like this made me rethink if I even liked him as friend.

I just looked at him for a second, opened my car door and put my bag inside. I turned back and told him goodbye.

I could see him in my rearview mirror, and he looked about as confused as I felt. Would I ever be able to lead the normal life _he_ promised me on that last day? People like Mike, and even Angela seemed simple, along with the trivial problems of normal high school life. Could I really go back to that, after everything that had happened?

"_It'll be as if I never existed."_ His words hit me and knocked me breathless. It had gotten shockingly easier to think about him, but there were still thoughts that made it hard to breathe. His words that day in the forest were something I consciously struggled to forget. Even as I had stood there with him, looking into his stone face that meant the very words he said, I didn't believe him.

I was suddenly angry. _"Human memories fade, blah, blah, blah." _I thought bitterly. Who was he kidding?! It may have been a truthful statement—for the normal human. But we both knew, I was far from normal.

I sighed. _"No,"_ I thought to myself. _"I could never go back."_

And now that the rest of the Cullen family had returned…

My outlook suddenly became much brighter when I realized that I was heading back to see Alice. I pushed the other painful thoughts from my head. I focused on the story Alice was going to tell me when I got there.

Suspicion crept into my thoughts, unsettling me. Here, alone in my truck, it was much easier to see through her ridiculous logic against telling me what she saw earlier in her bathroom. It had to have been something good. That look in her eyes couldn't be faked.

It could have to do with him, couldn't it? The only thing I could think of think of that could cause that much excitement would be… I gulped. It was getting harder to breathe. But this time, I forced myself to finish the thought.

His return.

I braced myself for the tear on my heart to rip open. Strangely enough, nothing like that happened. Instead a feeling of calm, of, of rightness spread throughout my entire body. Without even hearing confirmation from anyone, I knew that was exactly what her vision had been about.

Then, a sudden wave of stubbornness washed over me. I would force Alice would tell me the truth. I picked up speed in my truck, paying no attention to the whine of protest. I hardened my face; preparing for the fight I was inevitably going to start.

Alice was waiting in the living room, with Esme and Jasper when I arrived at their house. I was deliberately slow with my actions; closing the door with care and taking of my shoes one by one so I could memorize their facial expressions.

"Bella." Esme smiled warmly at me. Did I detect an underlying uncertainty in her eyes? Just as I was about to become suspicious, calm washed over me. Jasper. I sighed. This wasn't going to be easy when I couldn't even trust my own emotions.

"Hi, Emse. Jasper, Alice." I smiled.

Alice jumped up then, by my side before I could blink. "What do you want to do? There's always sometime on T.V. to watch, or maybe we could go shopping! Or, well I know you don't—"

Despite Jasper's best efforts, suspicion flowed through my body like electricity. I was not going to get sidetracked. _"Stay focused, Bella."_ I chanted over and over to myself.

"Alice." My voice was hard, as I was trying to be strong. "I want, no, _need_ to know about your vision." Memories of my epiphany from earlier this afternoon filled my head. I breathed slowly. My voice softened, barely above a whisper. "And please, _please_, don't lie to me. I don't know if I could handle—" I didn't finish. By the look on everyone's faces, they understood what I knew. I was vaguely annoyed with myself for losing my edge so quickly. I looked down, and I was dimly aware that Carlisle, Rosalie, and Emmett had joined us in the living room.

I composed myself; my breathing finally became more even. It registered with me that my cheeks were wet because I was silently crying. I looked up, into Alice's eyes.

"Bella—"

"Just tell me, Alice."

She stopped, unsure of what to say next. This really annoyed me. Wasn't it obvious to her that I already knew? There was no reason to soften the blow. She didn't have to sugarcoat it—it was already the sweetest news I'd had in months. Not that she would understand that. By the wary look on her face, it was clear she was waiting for me to break down, scream, or run away—some form of irrational human behavior.

I studied everyone else's face. They all had the same look. Reserved; uncertain. Only Rosalie seemed to fighting a battle with some other emotion I couldn't name.

I was shocked when it was her voice that I heard speaking to me.

"Bella, the vision was about him—Edward. He's coming back, here, to Forks. He'll be here tomorrow night."

I tried to look at her, but there was a large black dot right where her face should be. Colors became muted, and I was suddenly aware I was slipping down on to the floor. Even after my sudden revelation this afternoon, it was still unbelievable to hear someone else confirm it.

Then everything went black.


	5. Chapter 5: Edward's POV

Hey guys, thanks for the reviews! This is the latest little.. installment of my story. It's short, and since I'm really doing nothing tonight by babysitting kids who have to be alseep by 8:30, I should be updating soon-- as in, tonight. But, I wanted to just add this now because it doesn't flow to where I'm going next.

Sorry that I keep switching between POVs. Let me know if that's annoying anyone too much and I'll try to keep it to a minimum, or stop it altogether. Let me know! :)

Ok.. read on! And enjoy! Oh, and reviews are lovely.. please. continue with those as well. :)

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**"Wherever fate demands me... I will go."**

Most of the plane ride passed in a blur. I tried hard to tune out the thoughts of the surrounding passengers. I tried even harder to tune out Felix—he watched me cautiously—like I would try something on the plane, with all these humans around.

I was insulted; he should know better than that by now.

When it came to plans and actions, I tended to overreact. That fact was the sole reason I was in this position in the first place.

While I normally tried—in vain, of course—to keep anything that had to do with her locked away in my sub-conscious, right now I let her fill my mind. What difference did it make, after all?

She was gone, and in a few short hours, I would be too.

I glanced out the window. It looked like we were somewhere over Northern Canada. I had only a few hours before we would land in Washington.

I was immediately grateful for my perfect memory. I immersed myself in thoughts in her, closing my eyes and mentally traveling back to what seemed like another lifetime ago. Could I really have said goodbye only a few months ago? I would spend the duration of the plane ride with the only one I had ever loved.

I began to replay in my mind every single day I had spent with her, starting at the beginning. I thought about that first day, where destiny threw her into my life. That day I thought I would go insane if I couldn't taste her blood…

I flashed to that pivotal day in the meadow, where she first told me she loved me. I remembered finding her in Phoenix; broken, assuming the worst had happened.

I tried to slow my thoughts; putting off the inevitable as long as possible. But soon, crystal clear images were filling my head of that last day in the forest.

Breathing, which wasn't exactly necessary for me, suddenly became difficult. I pinched the bridge of my nose with my forefinger and thumb, taking a second to concentrate on deep breaths.

I remembered the look on her face, when she suddenly realized what I was saying. It was a strange look, and it had taken me a second to recognize it.

It wasn't just a look of comprehension, it was more than that. She seemed to expect it. That look hurt me more than anything else from that day.

How easily she had accepted what I told her! It was her readiness to believe me, almost like she _wanted_ to, that nearly killed me. I knew that wasn't true—that she wanted to believe what I told her. It had to be because it was easier. Which is exactly how I intended it. I so confidently thought it would take much, much more persuading to convince her that my feelings had changed. But for her to be so sure—believe me so quickly! It was maddening. It made me almost angry that she had accepted that so quickly. After all the times I shared my true feelings, all it took was one sentence to break her assurance.

But that wasn't fair. It was supposed to be easier for her. I had been so sure that she would heal…

My memory was bombarded with images of that day in March. That day that she had… jumped. I remember Rosalie's voice with perfect clarity, telling me the words I didn't want to believe. It was like my heart was suddenly alive, only to be broken at her words. The pain crippled me; and I knew right then what I would do.

I had snapped the phone shut, thinking I was probably being ruder to Rosalie than she deserved. After all, she was the only one who tried to reach me to tell me the news. I crawled out of the hole I was in somewhere in Brazil and started forming a plan in my head.

Without a conscious thought, I had boarded the plane heading to Italy. I suddenly had a goal to fulfill—I felt something that hadn't been present in quite a long time. Ambition. Determination…

I snapped out of reverie, and shook my head. I could feel the slight downward pull of the plane. We were starting our descent into Seattle.

I had only minutes before we would land, and I would have to start formulating plans. I closed my eyes once more, settling my thoughts to prom, about a year ago. Despite the present situation, I smiled to myself. That day had been so, so, carefree. Against all of her protests, I know she had enjoyed herself. We were just teenagers in that moment. Life was so simple—it felt surreal. Our problems were behind us. Most importantly we had gotten through it—together.

That sudden realization sent my head spinning with another question.

Had I overreacted in leaving? Had my decision—ironically enough to keep her safe—sentenced us both to death?


	6. Chapter 6: Bella's POV

Ok! So, this is short again. but at leasy I posted, right? Well, please pleas please review! Tell me what you think. Please. I'd love to hear... :)

Read on... and enjoy!

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**If you can't be with the one you love...**

"No, no. She's fine. She seemed to catch her fall pretty well. She just slid down the wall…"

"Should we move her?"

"Yeah, here I'll take her over to the couch…"

I faintly heard the voices around me. One by one I began to recognize them. I was in the air suddenly—floating, it seemed—then cradled in the soft leather sofa.

"She's waking up." I head Alice say.

"Bella? Bella, honey, can you hear me?" It was Esme this time. "Get her something to drink—a Coke, maybe? Something with sugar." She was saying to someone else.

I opened my eyes, squinting to filter in the light. It was bright—I had a hard time focusing on the faces.

A low groan was all I could manage.

Alice laughed. Of course. This was the sort of reaction she was waiting for.

"Honestly, Bella." She said. "You are so predictable sometimes. I knew you'd have some sort of meltdown even without a vision of it." She laughed.

"Alice!" Esme scolded.

I opened my eyes wider, and just looked at her. The smile instantly disappeared off her face. She saw the pure agony in my eyes.

I was torn. Between pure agony—and pure bliss. What was I supposed to do? As happy as I may be about his return, I couldn't dare get my hopes up. After all, nothing had changed. It was no different from the last time he was here. _I was no different. _

I tried to assemble my scrambled thoughts. Everyone was standing over me, whether they were waiting for me to say something, or for one of them to, I wasn't sure.

I found my voice. "Alice, tell me _everything._" I put extra emphasis on the last word, and she seemed to understand.

So, here I sat. Forty-five minutes and two cokes later, I had the story. My head was swimming, or probably more accurately, drowning in the information.

I wasn't sure which emotion I should be feeling. Should I be angry? Angry that, he was coming back here? Angry that he left in the first place? No, that didn't seem to be right. Maybe… I was feeling angry because there was nothing I could do that would make him stay.

No matter how hard I thought about it, there was definitely no way for me to be angry _at_ him. Except maybe for the fact that he went to Italy in the first place… but if I hadn't jumped, and if Rosalie hadn't called him, he wouldn't have ever gone. I sighed. If I was angry, it was definitely at myself.

If not anger, what then? Joy? Yes, there was plenty of that. But that wasn't what had me so concerned… it was the undeniable _hope_ I was feeling that was so alarming. I had to keep telling myself that I probably wouldn't even see him. That it didn't matter, even _if_ I did. Everything was the exact same as he had left it, so many months ago.

"_It was duty only that was bringing him here,"_ I kept telling myself.

No, it was definitely agony that I was feeling most strongly. Agony that he would be here, so close, yet at the same time, so very far away. He was untouchable; unreachable. But I would never stop reaching.

I came back to the present then, realizing everyone was on edge waiting for my response. I smiled a small, unconvincing smile. I sighed when I realized I had no one fooled.

The men looked uncomfortable, Jasper seeing suddenly interested in a bird building a nest outside the large panel of windows, Emmett was staring at his hands. Only Carlisle looked at me, his eyes seeming to see more than my face was showing.

Esme patted my hand, and laid her head on the top of mine. Rosalie was still, fighting the same emotion as earlier. I wondered what she was thinking.

Alice looked like she was… calculating. She was forming a plan in her mind, of that I was sure. I remembered all of her ridiculous plans from the past, and was instantly wary. Whatever it was, I was bound to not like it.

She looked at me for a moment before she broke into a huge grin and started talking. "Don't worry, Bella. Somehow, some way, He'll be here. When you're here. He'll see you, and everything will be fine. Now, it won't be easy of course, he'll surely know the second he smells you in the house. Oh, and he'll be angry… but not for long. He'll see you, and Oh! The look on his face! He'll never be able to leave—"

"Alice," I cut her off at that thought. There was acid in my voice when I spoke next. "Stop now. What do you think you are doing? Do you honestly think I can sit here and listen to you say these things, and be OK? I thought you knew me better than that! To bring up things like this!" I was crying uncontrollably by this point. "I thought you loved me…" I couldn't finish.

There was a pause. He voice was soft when she spoke again.

"Bella, I'm only saying these things because they are true. Look at me, Bella. Listen to my words. Edward never stopped loving you. He always has, and he always will."

His name being said, under the current circumstances, seemed to shred what was left of my heart. Somewhere, deep down, I knew she was trying her hardest. She was telling me what she believed was true. And nine months ago, before he left, I would have believed her. But she wasn't there that day in the woods. She had no idea what he told me—what his face looked like. Like a statue—devoid of all emotion, especially love.

I took a moment to assemble my thoughts. What I was about to say would surely be the end of me. There would be no going back after this. I tried my hardest to take my feelings out of my declaration; sealing off my heart. I had to look down, there was no way she wouldn't see through my lie if I was looking her in the eyes.

"Alice, you don't understand. _I_ don't love _him_ anymore. _I_ don't want to see him."


	7. Chapter 7: Bella's POV

Hey! Sorry it's taken me so long to update.. I sort of had writer's block. haha. Anyways, good or not, this chapter is done. I hope you enjoy, and I'm planning on updating again today, so. yeah! Read, and review please! Reviews seriously make my day. :)

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**I'll make the most of all the sadness...**

I had escaped as quickly as I could. The overwhelming desire to flee had caused a flood of adrenaline in my system, and everything I did was purely instinct. I vaguely remembered telling them I had to get home to make dinner for Charlie. They had looked so… stunned. Even Alice. I couldn't believe I had shocked Alice. That had to be first, for anyone.

I couldn't distinctly remember anything anyone had said. Alice was saying something to Jasper as I was leaving… but what was it? There was an annoying tug in my self-conscious as I tried to remember. It felt like it might have been important.

I shook my head.

What difference did it make what she said to him? Everything was now in a different perspective. Remembering that wasn't as important as realizing what I had just done. I said words I myself didn't even believe. It was all over. I had single-handedly shattered myself. I was already broken, granted, but I was now beyond repair. I had passed the point of no return.

I realized suddenly I was driving about twenty miles under the speed limit. I shook my head again, trying to fight off the daze that was threatening to cloud my mind. I wasn't far from panicking, but I had duties at home I had to perform, and I needed to act human for Charlie for the next hour. Then I could escape to my room to be alone with my misery.

I got home, and was relieved that Charlie wasn't there yet. I hurried in side, turning on lights as I went. I kept myself under control as I started dinner. It was going to be a simple affair; I let the water come to a boil and poured some canned spaghetti sauce in a pan to simmer. I continued focusing on breathing in and out, in and out.

I couldn't stop myself from wondering what Alice had said to Jasper. It was bugging me to no end, and I had no idea why. It obviously couldn't be too important if I couldn't remember it.

Charlie came home then, and to my relief, was too tired to start any real conversation during dinner. I was thankful for that, because I wasn't sure if my voice could stay steady enough to answer his questions. He hurried through the meal; there must have been some game on that he wanted to watch.

I took my time cleaning up, knowing that I wouldn't be able to contain myself when I got upstairs. There was only so much to do though, and soon I was slowing walking to my room.

I lay down on my bed. My chest was throbbing, and I couldn't breathe as well as before. I was sobbing, but the tears wouldn't come. I just lay there, letting the pain take its course.

The pain slowly subsided, and my breathing became more even. I don't know how long I went without moving; it felt like hours, even days maybe. I looked over at the digital clock on my CD player on my nightstand and groaned. Only eight o'clock. I had only been up here for a little over an hour.

I went to the bathroom and took a hot shower to get ready for bed. I knew it was too early to an acceptable bedtime, but after the afternoon I'd just had, I was exhausted. I walked slowly back to my room, and turned off the light.

I lay there for about twenty minutes, drifting in and out of unconsciousness when I first heard the noise. It sounded like something touching my window, but since there were trees growing close to the house and it was a windy night, I just ignored it.

Then it came again. It was like a gentle tap, like someone was standing right outside my two-story high bedroom window. I looked over, and nothing. I was pretty sure I wasn't dreaming. But who could it be? There was only one person who ever came through that window, and that stopped long ago.

I rolled out of bed, and directly on to my hands and knees. I slowly crawled over to the sill, and looked down. I sighed.

Alice. Of course she wouldn't let me get away with my escape this afternoon. I was in no way surprised that she was here.

She waved when she saw me, a huge smile spreading across her face.

I jerked open the window, and turned to go turn on a light. She was there, sitting on the edge of my bed, before I even made it to the switch.

I felt sleep deprived, which roughly translated for me meant cranky.

"What, Alice? What do you want? Just tell me, so you can leave, and I can get back to sleep."

She saw through my antagonistic attitude, and her excitement never dimmed.

"Bella, look. I know you were lying this afternoon. You want to see Ed—him. Everyone else knows too. You really are a ghastly liar."

"Is that all? 'Cause if it is, I would really like to get to sleep so I can forget today."

She gave me a pleading glance, and I groaned. We looked at each other for a moment, neither of us saying anything. When I spoke again, my voice was softer. I was surrendering against my own will.

"OK, ok, I'm sorry. But Alice, don't you understand? Whatever you say to me now will only make it that much harder when nothing happens."

"Bella, I'm not here to convince you that he still loves you. That's something that he'll have to do himself. And he will." She stopped, and then continued in a quieter voice, like she was talking to herself. "I told Jasper that he'll convince you, and that he'll come home for good. It just has to happen…"

I didn't hear anymore. That was it. What she had said to Jasper that I couldn't remember. _"He'll come home for good."_

The words sent an electric current through my broken heart. What if that was true? What if he did come home? What exactly would that mean?

Nothing for me. He would stay because of his family, of course. He had left because of me, and he would stay for them. Because he loved them.

But it would change things for me. I obviously wouldn't be at the Cullens house as much as I am now. Honestly, I probably wouldn't ever go back. How could I?

So, that means I wouldn't see Emse or Carlisle, or Emmett or any of them nearly as often as now. But Alice would still come see me, right? Or would they all be so consumed but his return that they would completely forget about me, just as he did?

These were selfish thoughts, and I knew better than to think like this. But I couldn't stop the panic rising in my throat as I thought it out. How would I go on? When the Cullens returned, they brought back a piece of me. That piece had been what kept me going, kept me living. To take that away again…

I stopped. This was so very selfish of me. I loved the Cullens more than anything else in my life, and if them being whole once more, happy, meant that I had to take a step back, then I would be OK with that. No matter how it hurt me, I would want to see them happy.

I realized Alice was suddenly quiet. I looked up at her, and she seemed to be measuring me with her eyes. She could see the internal struggle that was going on in my mind.

"OK, Bella. Here's the deal. The Volturi are here. Not, here here, but here as in Washington. I see them leaving in two days, sometime in the late afternoon. So, you're going to have to stay with us until then."

"What? _Why?_" I was not expecting this. It made no sense! Why did it matter where I slept? It didn't matter, and I was determined to be nowhere near that house while he might show up.

"Because. The Volturi know all about you. They were extremely curious when my brother explained he wanted to die because he believed a human girl had killed herself. They can't fathom the power a human could have over one of us, and it's intriguing to them. They think you're dead… for now. Once he knows, they'll know. They might come looking for you. While they won't harm you, or anyone else, Carlisle thinks it's better if we can keep a close watch over you."

Again, this wasn't what I was expecting. Fear slowly crept into my veins and circulated throughout my body. There always seemed to be something else that could wrong.

"But what about Charlie?! I can't just leave him here by himself! What if they come, looking for me, and find him? What if they're, they're… thirsty?" The panic seized me and I couldn't speak. I was trying to calm my breathing.

Despite my slight panic attack, Alice looked annoyed.

"Oh, honestly, Bella. You worry too much. I wouldn't lie to you about this. If I thought Charlie was in danger, I would do everything I can to send him to La Push to stay with Billy. But, I suppose if it makes you feel better, I could have Emmett and Jasper take turns watching the house…" She didn't seem very happy with that idea.

That idea comforted me enough to get my voice and emotions in check. I ignored her obvious dislike for that plan, and tried to act as indifferent as possible. "Fine, Alice. I'll come stay with you. But you have to swear to me that Charlie will be safe. If anything happened to him because of me…" I stopped. I couldn't think about that right now.

"Yes, Bella. I swear. He'll be fine." Her mood abruptly shifted. "Oh, it'll be so fun! I promise! We can go shopping, or take a trip to LA, or New York! Bella, anything you want."

"Anything I want? OK, then Alice. I want you to promise me he won't be there. I know you too well to believe that you won't be planning something. But Alice, for me. You have to understand that _I can't live through that again._ It's hard enough knowing he's here, but to see him… I don't think… there's any way I'd recover."

Her smile faded, but the excitement never left her eyes.

"Bella, it doesn't have to be like that! He loves you. Once he realizes you're here and safe, he'll never let you out of his sight again. He did it to protect you! Don't you see? He's never stopped loving you; he only wanted you to be safe."

I sighed. How I wish I could believe her… but I knew better than that.

"Just promise me, Alice. Promise me he won't be anywhere near the house while I'm there."

She sighed too.

"OK, Bella. I promise. I see him coming home tomorrow afternoon, after looking for—. Well, never mind. After that, I don't see him coming back." She looked slightly frustrated by that. She opened her mouth like she was going to say something else, but stopped.

"OK. I'll go talk to Charlie then. Just come and get me when you want me over there."

Even though she promised, and looked sincerely convincing, I couldn't help but _not_ believe her.


	8. Chapter 8: Edward's POV

OK I hope no one hates me! Even though I'm a horrible person. And I took sooooo long to post this!! Wow. Please forgive me. :)

This chapter is slightly short. But it was really difficult to write. I'm not sure why. But I hope you like it, and please read and review!! Thanks. :)

Oh, and PS. I should be posting again soon. At least sooner than this time. Promise!

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The wind whipped the rain around my robe and through my hair. I smiled bitterly. It _was_ slightly comical to think that anyone could miss a place like this. But this was home. And it always would be. I glanced around me. The street was empty. But it was more than that… this whole town seemed empty to me. While this place may physically be home, it lacked the people who made that true. My family was not here anymore. And more importantly, _she_ was not here anymore. Nor would she ever be.

But that was one thing I could not quite comprehend. She had died. Alice had seen her jump, and never resurface. But where was the proof?

I took a deep breath. This was pure and utter torture. Not only was my soul mate and best friend gone forever, I had to search long and hard to find any evidence of this! _"I deserve this. This is my punishment. And there could be none more severe." _I thought bitterly.

There had been no death certificate in the hospital, and no obituary in the newspaper archives. Fate was going to insist on me visiting the cemetery—something that would kill me. How could I possibly see that? Her _grave. _The earth shouldn't have her coffin for another seventy years, but there it was. And it was all because of my actions…

I should not have left. That much was obvious. I had insisted to myself that I was right. That it was for the best. I have never been so wrong in my entire life.

My chest throbbed, like my dead heart was going to beat itself out of my chest. I glanced around again. I was alone. _Alone_. Not just on this street right now, but forever. I sank down to my knees. It was slowly dawning on me that I would never see her face again. While I'd lived months knowing she was dead, there was something about being back here that made the realization hit twice as hard.

I knew what I had to do. I stayed kneeling, in the middle of the road, for a few minutes while my breathing evened out. I rose slowly, and started running in the direction of the cemetery.

The cemetery was close to our old house, just about a mile away. I would go there next. I wanted to see it, just one last time.

I looked up. The moon had risen, and was steadily climbing in the sky. I knew Felix and Jane would be expecting me back soon. I had told them I needed to hunt, in order to be my strongest for our business in Seattle. Which was true. But I had no intention of doing so. Being weak would only make it that much easier for one of the newborns to kill me. And then I would be gone as well. Whatever awaited me, whatever was in store for my kind after life on earth ended, had to be a relief from the pain of this life.

When I told her I could not live without her being alive, all those months ago, I was not exaggerating. If I thought back over the past several months of my life, it would be hard to actually call it a life. I had functioned, yes, but not really lived. My true life ended that day I said goodbye in the forest. And soon it would _literally_ come to an end as well.

I was getting close; I could sense it. I automatically slowed slightly, trying to prolong the inevitable as long as possible. When I could see the cemetery's gates, I came to a complete stop. I stood there for a moment, concentrating on breathing in and out, trying to mentally prepare myself for what lie ahead. But what was the use? There was no way I could become acclimated to something like that.

I began walking towards the gates, when I paused slowly under the archway and closed my eyes. I pictured her face from one of my favorite memories. I thought of the time I first brought her home to meet my family. She was so determined. She wanted them to approve, to accept her. Which they did; more than she probably ever realized. They loved her; they accepted her as part of the family.

Why could I not have just done same? Why had it been impossible for me to just love her, and protect her when it was needed? We'd both probably be together, living the life we should be.

But what could be possibly the hardest thought to process was knowing she dies thinking I didn't love her. I didn't want her. That I had left-- abandoned her because I didn't want to be with her. She would never know in this life how much I actually loved her, that she had made my whole life. She died thinking she was unwanted...

Then I heard it. I was so attune to her there was no way I was hallucinating. I stopped dead in my tracks and listened. I shouldn't have been so surprised; it seemed right for her to be here.

For all of them. This had been their home too. I did not think again in that moment of venturing further into the cemetery to seek what I did not want to find. I took off running through the woods in the right direction.

I heard them all now, but hers so much clearer than the rest. I smiled despite myself.

_Alice. Esme. Carlisle. Emmett. Jasper. Rose._ I picked up speed. They were here. They were home. And I would be soon.


	9. Chapter 9: Edward's POV

OK! Soooo. This was actually really nice to write. And kind of emotional. haaa. I'm such a baby. :) Anyways, I hope you enjoy it... sorry it's not longer! I'm going to start right away (as in, the minute after I post this) on the next part. Which might be back to Bella's POV. I'm not sure yet. Anywaysss. I hope you like this. Tell me your favorite part (if you have one. ha)! Or, constructive critisism is always welcomed. Promise. :) OKkk. Read on, my loyal fans! And don't forget to review... ;)

Disclaimer: Is this really still necessary? We know Stephenie Meyer owns. ALL. :)

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I hesitated outside in the open front yard. I was deliberating—searching the minds of my family to understand what they were thinking. I was sure Alice knew I would be coming, so they must be all expecting me. But how would they react? Would they be happy to see me, to forgive me?

I sighed impatiently. Their thoughts were guarded—that was not a good sign. I knew this was their tactic for keeping something from me. Some things never seem to change…

I took a deep breath and headed for the door. I stopped just outside again. Why was this so hard?

Because I had hurt them. I had acted beyond shamefully, childishly. I ran away from my problems. I was selfish, and I had hurt more than myself by leaving. I didn't deserve forgiveness, although I would ask for it. Beg, if need be.

And what of my plan? It would make it infinitely harder to go fight the newborns with no intention of returning after I had seen my family. Suddenly, a thought rushed through me. What if...?

Could I survive—continue to live if I was with them? And was that fair? She had died, and shouldn't I be made to suffer the same fate? Or was that too easy? The more I thought about it, living could be my punishment. It _would_ be torture. To forever carry with me the pain of those days—the day in the forest and the day of the phone call.

My penance could be to stay alive for my family. As long as they still wanted me. And I could always know at least she was at peace—that I could no longer hurt her. This fact, and being with my family—they would be my only comfort in endless lifetime of pain. It would be noble, if I wasn't such a vile creature. To carry out her one request of me that I could still keep. I had left her, when she had begged me not to. So I would keep living. Like she had tried to make me promise her to do.

It was strange—an unnerving peace settled over me as I made this decision. I could imagine in that moment that she was smiling from heaven, relieved that I could one day honestly say I honored one of her wishes.

My chest tightened—how unselfish she was! The only thing she ever wanted was to be with me. She had given me her _unconditional_ love. How could I not see that then? I knew now deep down that when she had told me she wanted me forever, she'd meant it. _Forever_. And now, I would continue on forever, without her. As much pain as that thought caused me, I knew it was the right thing to do. Continue on—for her.

The pain would never cease, dull, or die. I knew that. I would carry the horror with me for all eternity. But even now, while it was still freshly acute, I knew she was the best part of my life—my whole existence. She had given me life while she loved me. She made me less of a monster—even in my own eyes. She made me a man by loving me. I also knew there would never be another. Not in fifty years, or two hundred, or a millennium. I could never possibly want anyone else. And I would never stop wanting her.

Breaking my reverie, I glanced up at the house. It looked exactly the same. That fact was both a comfort and sting. Comforting to know some things remained constant, like my family. And painful because it was hard, physical evidence of the life I let slip through my fingers.

I closed my eyes. Do I knock? That felt silly and formal. But could I just walk in like I still belonged there? I sighed. It would be best probably to be safe and knock.

Just as I raised my fist to do so, the door flew open.

"Edward!" Alice screamed. She flew into my arms, gripping me in a tight hug. "I was beginning to wonder how long you were going to just stand out there and make us wait! Welcome home!" She laughed. Her face was lit up by the angelic smile she wore.

I froze and closed my eyes. Slowly I embraced my sister in the hug as well. My throat suddenly tightened. This was more than I could have hoped for. They were welcoming me home. They _wanted_ me here. I felt my face form in the shape of a smile, mirroring Alice's face. I bent my head and whispered in her ear, "It's good to be home, Alice."

I pulled away and looked to see the rest of my family assembled in the living room. They stood still, with no emotion showing on their faces. Only Rose looked to be fighting an internal battle, but I couldn't place the emotion. And Esme's eyes were full of the same pain I saw the day I left. Alice linked her arm through my mine and squeezed my hand. Before I could say anything, I heard her unspoken words in my head.

"_We miss you. They're only guarded because they aren't sure how you'll react. They're glad you're here; we're just scared to lose you again." _

I nodded slightly, and took a step forward. I felt like a child who had just been caught disobeying and was waiting for a scolding. I took a deep breath, and smiled sheepishly.

Esme was the first to break the tension. She had been standing to the side, slightly behind Carlisle. She untangled her had from his and ran toward me, arms open wide. She was smiling, but I could see the pain plainly in her eyes.

She wrapped her arms around me, and I did the same. We stood there for a long moment, and I could feel her shaking from the dry sobs coming from her throat. I was surprised to find myself doing the same.

She pulled away, and placed her hand on my cheek. She smiled, changing emotions quickly to cheerful.

"Finally! I wasn't sure how long we'd have to wait for you to come home. It's about time, I'd say." She said with mock indignation, but I knew there was some truth to that statement. Her thoughts gave way to what she really was saying. _"Oh Edward. I don't want to ever lose you like that again. You need to be here, with your family. Stay for us. Stay for me… the pain of losing a child a second time would be too much to endure…" _I tried very hard to ignore her thoughts and answered only the spoken words.

I forced myself smiled. "Sorry, mom." I said sheepishly. I fought the pain of her words from my mind, and looked up at my remaining family.

Suddenly the barrier between us was broken, and at once I was surrounded by everyone. The tension dissipated. Emmett grabbed me and pinned me to the ground, laughing. Carlisle hugged me and said, "Welcome home." Jasper slapped my hand and told me how they had missed me around here. Rosalie was the last to come up to me, and I smiled at her, letting her know I was not angry. Why should I be? It was not her fault things had ended up the way they had. I hugged her and told her it was good to see her. She understood my unspoken forgiveness.

No one asked where I'd been, or what I'd been doing. Although I'm sure they new the basic information from Alice, no one knew details, which I made me thankful no one asked. I didn't want to explain my actions—how could they understand? Carlisle and Esme were inseparable. Emmett and Rose had never been without one another. And Alice and Jasper had never been separated for so much as a day—let alone for all time. They would sympathize, of that I was sure. But they could in no way _empathize_. This was my pain to bear—alone. Even the sight of my family could not dull the ache. Nothing tangible ever would. But this would have to be sufficient. I could live by my family's love, if I tried hard enough.

I looked around at my family, and smiled. I was at a loss for words. All I could say was "I've missed this." But at that moment, it seemed like enough.

Alright... review! Don't forget to tell me your favorite partttt. And is there anything you'd like to see happen? Suggestions are definitely welcome. :)


	10. Chapter 10: Edward's POV

Sooo... I know, I know. This is super short. But I promise that I'm already half way done with the next chapter, so it'll be up very soon! And what I have written/planned, it'll be A LOT longer. Promise promise.

Andd.. it was brought to my attention that the last chapter may have confused some people. I'm sorry for that! I see everything one way, and it's hard to be subjective when reading to see if it really makes sense. Sooo. I just wanted to say that this chapter should help. It's a continuation, and all I can say for up coming is chapters is... KEEP READING. It'll all play out. I'm just taking my time. :) haha

OK! Nowww. read on, yo. And don't forget to reviewww... they make me happy! And believe me. It's better for everyone when I'm happy. The more reviews, the sooner I'll post. :)

Disclaimer: Stephenie. Meyer. Owns. All.

* * *

It seemed to register very slowly with me then. The words, the understanding, the reaction. It was all inevitable, of course. And Emmett's next words were just the catalyst.

He had said, "So you're not angry we came back?" Instantly, before the words were even fully out of his mouth, my family's thoughts became cautious. I was bombarded with works of literature being translated into French, Latin, Russian. Alice was the worst; she was half screaming half singing Beatles songs, one right after another.

I looked around at all of my family, staring at each member, hoping one would let something slip and give the thing they wished to keep from me away. Alice sighed and thought, _"Damn it Emmett. This conversation wasn't supposed to transpire so quickly!"_

She looked up at me, and I knew. How could I not have known before? Everything fit. The Lack of evidence, and when I first arrived at the house, they had been guarded then. Somehow in the excitement of my homecoming the news had been temporarily forgotten, but now, there was no way to divert my attention.

I stared back, waiting patiently for her words. I kept my face in check; I did not want my emotions to give me away just yet.

She opened her mouth to speak, and then stopped. My irritation got the better of me and my words sounded harsher than I had meant them.

"Alice, tell. Me. Now. Why would Emmett think I'd be angry for you returning?"

"Edward..." Carlisle had moved to my side and placed his hand on my shoulder. I violently shook him off and took a step closer to Alice. The rest of my family seemed stunned into silence from my rapid mood swing.

Alice glared at Emmett and he hung his head before she turned back to me. He obviously felt guilty for bringing this around so quickly. I silently thanked him for doing so.

Her face was hard, a reflection of what mine felt like. She was taking the defensive position in this conversation.

"Edward, you are not the only member of this family. We make decisions together, like how a family is supposed to function. You have absolutely no right to be upset! You did this—you left! How can you possibly be angry!? We thought you'd never come home… We did what was best for us. _All_ of us."

I clenched my fists to keep them from visibly shaking. I was quickly losing the fight with my anger, and her speech did not help. I understood her emphasis on the word _all; _it only made me more upset. I was also completely aware of the fact that she had not answered my question.

I glared, and then chuckled a black, humorless laugh. "I have no right? No right!? The only thing I ever asked was for you not to return while, while--!" I couldn't even finish that thought. "There are hundreds—no, _thousands_ of places where you can live! Don't you understand? Damn it, Alice! I have _every _right in the world to be upset!" My voice echoed loud through the entire house. I took a deep breath and tried to control my volume. When I spoke again, it was softer, but still carried the same angry tone. "Alice, say it. I need to hear you say it."

She looked at me, gauging my emotions. She sighed, seemingly in defeat. She knew what would happen once it was said, vision or no.

"She's alive, Edward. Bella is alive."

I nodded once; then turned and ran out the door. I did not look back as they called my name.

I knew exactly what I had to do now.


	11. Chapter 11: Bella's POV

**Alright. So, I'm sure some of ya'll are super close to hunting me down and killing me. I am SO sorry this took me so long! I had some writers block, and then... Breakinf Dawn happened, and I had family come, I've been seeing friends before we all leave, and I've been getting ready to go back to school...**

**I know. Excuses, excuses. **

**But thank you to those who are sticking with me! It means so much to know you still want to read this. :) So, my longest chapter yet, just for you guys! It's pretty much 3-in-1, as far as my chapters go in terms of length. **

**Alright. Fair warning to you all. I am in no way giving up on this story, in my opinion, it's just starting to get good. But it might be awhile before the next update. I move back in at school Monday, and then class and all that jazz. And depending on how creative I feel. :) So! Bare with me, read and enjoy this latest part. :) Oh, and don't forget to reviewwww!!**

**Disclaimer: Oh, Stephenie Meyer. You own everything. Including my attention. :)**

* * *

It was a long day.

I felt different from the moment I woke up. Like I had stuck a metal fork into a light socket. My hair stood on end, I had goose bumps, and that static cling feel all over my body, like I had just rubbed my feet on carpet in the dead of winter. I knew why of course, but it still felt strange to know it was because he was here.

Every little sound made me jump. Charlie had uncharacteristically stayed home from fishing—usually he was gone before the sun was up (or what you could see of it) on Saturdays. He decided it was a good day from yard work—dry enough and warm enough. For Forks, at least.

He had been cleaning out the second-story gutters, while I made the excuse to clean my room.

I was sitting on my bed, going through old school tests and essays, when Charlie accidentally tapped the ladder on my window.

I have never screamed so loud in my life.

I had never see Charlie run so fast in my life.

"Bella?! What's wrong? What happened?" He came barreling up the stairs, yelling before I could even see him.

I had slid down from my bed, on my floor, breathing very hard. He decided to give up on cleaning out the gutters and settled for watching my like a hawk the rest of the day.

I couldn't really blame him, though. I was worried too. I knew he saw the reminders in my behavior today from that time before—when I was all but catatonic. I silently prayed I did not return to that form—for his sake at least. He continued to watch me—not even trying to be inconspicuous.

It was a really, _really_ long day.

I waited all morning and afternoon for Alice to show up and drag me to her house. When she never came, I began to feel slightly less antsy. Maybe the charade wasn't needed anymore. Maybe everything was already back to how it was before. But that thought was neither soothing nor realistic.

Late in the afternoon, once my anxious frenzied behavior wore off and was replaced with a listless hazy manner, I escaped to my room, away from Charlie's watchful eyes and my daily tasks. I lay on the floor below my window for a long, long time. I didn't think, at least there was no coherent thought being formed that I can recall back. Thinking would inevitably come later. So, I breathed. In and out, in and out.

When it was late enough to go to bed, I slowly went about my nighttime tasks. Night always seemed to be the worst. It seemed like every thought, emotion, and memory would flood my mind during those minutes after my head hit the pillow and before my subconscious finally took over as I would drift to sleep. And tonight was sure to be no different. There was already so much pushing into my mind from this afternoon. And being held at bay all day would only make them worse.

It was funny how after all this time, I was still aware of his presence in the town. All day, I refused to leave the house. It was silly I knew, but I had felt safe in doors. Safe from everything but my mind.

So now I washed my face without thinking, brushed my teeth and hair, and prepared to be overtaken by emotion. I slowly crawled into bed and lay down.

He's here. _Here_. In Forks. I was suddenly angry. Why? I mean, I knew why, the mechanics of it at least. Something with the Volturi. I wasn't sure what exactly, but it didn't really matter. I probably wouldn't want to know, anyways.

I was angry—at myself. Why could he still have such a control over me? My progress over the past months seemed all in vain now. One step forward, two steps back. It was never ending. But I knew, more in my heart and soul than in my head, that he would always have a power over me. The power… the power he held over me came from his possession of my heart. It was always his—had always been and would always be. No matter where he was, what he was doing, or who he was with, I would never stop loving him—wanting him. There was no one else in the world I could ever be with. It was him, or it was no one.

That thought was unnerving. I took a shaky deep breath. But I knew I had no other option. How could I ever love another? I was broken; I had no heart, no love left to give. I had thrown my heart, _my_ _soul_ into us. There was nothing left of me for someone else. I was ruined for anyone but him.

Jacob suddenly flashed into my mind. He was also someone I avoided thinking of at all costs. My former best friend, who I was all but dead to, hadn't made an appearance in my mind in awhile. And I knew what triggered it. If there had ever been, even the slightest chance, that I could love someone else, it had been him.

The tears started streaming down the sides of my face into my hair. Jacob. I missed him. There was another hole—smaller, less significant than the one _he_ had caused—but still there, nonetheless. And I knew who it was from. I rolled on to my side, and buried my face in the pillow.

I drifted with thoughts of my absent best friend and lost love on my mind.

* * *

_Click_. _Click_.

I jerked upright, and waited.

_Click_.

I glanced at the clock. 1:45 am. "Argggg." I groaned incoherently. "Of course. I wait all day, and of course she would wait until this God forsaken time to come and get me! Well, she'll just see. I am NOT leaving. Life-sucking torturous vampires on the loose in Forks or not, I'm staying here. Enough is enough." I grumbled as I got up to go to the window where I was sure to find Alice waiting for me down below.

"Ouch! Ow, ow, owwwww!" I gasped as I stubbed my toe on the edge of my nightstand, completely scattering all of its contents on the floor. I watched as the ring Renee gave me—my grandmother's high school graduation ring, to be exact—travel over to my dresser and come to stop underneath.

Ugh. I hoped I remember to get that in the morning. Renee would gladly beat me to death if she thought I'd lost it.

_Click_. _Click_. _Click_.

She was getting impatient. I would've made her wait a little longer just for waking me up so damn early if I didn't think she'd do something drastic and wake Charlie.

I trudged to the window. In one swift movement I pulled open the blinds.

And froze.

Standing on the ladder Charlie had left outside my window earlier, was the source of my anguish earlier in the night.

Jacob Black.

I shook my head. I was dangerously close to fainting due to the emotional overload of the past 12 hours. This was just icing on the cake. The straw that broke the camel's back.

I unlatched the window and pushed it up a centimeter before I couldn't. I took several steps backward, until I reached what I needed—the edge of my bed. I couldn't stand any longer.

I heard the window shudder as he shoved it up completely so he could step in. He hesitantly stepped in my room, walked a step and stopped. I was staring out the window that he had just walked through, focusing on breathing in and out, slowly.

"Bella?" He said after a minute of silence. Concern danced across his features.

Hearing him say my name brought me out of my dazed mind and into the present. I looked at him. Jacob. My best friend. In my room. At—I glanced back at the clock—1:51 am. I didn't know what to feel right then. Happy—because he was here, and, if I was still being as honest as I was earlier tonight—I missed him. Terribly.

Or should I be angry? How dare he come here, expect me to let him in, in the middle of the night, for God's sake! He was rude—beyond hurtful the last time we spoke. My mind drifted to the night when I heard from Alice for the first time in months…

"Bella, are you alright?" The concern on his face had leaked into his voice.

That's what did it. What made me snap. I decided on the latter emotion. My stare turned to a glare.

"_NO!" _I wanted to yell at him, not caring if I woke Charlie or not. _"Why in the world would I ever be OK?!"_

Instead, I said, "Get. Out. Now."

Concern turned to confusion. "What? Wait, Bella! I need to talk to you. I—I--…" He stuttered.

"YOU need to talk to ME?! YOU? Really? Last time I checked, you no longer ever wanted to talk to me! Why the sudden change of heart? Huh, Jake? Why? Are you intent on killing me? Do you have any idea what you did when you left? Cullens or no, YOU were my best friend! I needed—I—I…" The tears silently sliding down my face broke into a sob and cut me off.

His face was pained now. I'm sure it was a mirror of what my face reflected.

"Bella—I." He stopped and dropped his head. "Look. I am so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you; to desert you like that. It killed me to do it. I just—I just didn't know how to deal… And I know that's no excuse." He looked up at me, and when I said nothing, he went on.

"OK. I'm going to be honest with you. It hurt. A lot. I know I deserted you, but you deserted me too. No, wait. Let me finish." He placed a hand on my mouth when I was about to protest. He half grinned when I struggled—unsuccessfully—to pull away.

"You were so happy, Bella. To see the blood—Alice. I could see in your eyes that _this_ had been what you were waiting for. That _that_ was what was missing from your life. You would never have been completely satisfied with your life if they hadn't returned."

"And, truth be told, that was a blow to my ego. I honestly thought—obviously I was fooling myself—but I thought you could be happy… with me."

I struggled again under his hand, but he apparently was not finished. I was annoyed; his little speech had caused my anger to slowly ebb. How unfair. What was it with everyone being able to make me feel guilty?

"And now I know you're probably ridiculously happy—everything is back to normal. Your _friends_ have come back, and your _boyfriend_ is here…" He sneered at the words 'friend' and boyfriend'. His serene, hard mask had been gone from his face, but I was beginning to see trances of it return. I sighed. If only he knew he had no reason to be angry. _He_ wasn't here, well, technically he was, but _he wasn't here for me._

He looked at me again, his eyes pleading. "Even if you are happy, I just want to know. Is there any way I can still see you? Just as friends, of course." He added quietly—only for himself it seemed.

I sighed. Obviously he was under the misconception that _He_ had returned for me. Oh, how wrong he was. It was also obvious that I needed to clarify.

"Jake, he's not back. Well, he is. But only temporarily… and not for me. There's some problem—" Oops. Jacob's mask came back as I let that last part slip.

He ignored the beginning of what I had said and went straight to the end. "What do you mean, 'there's some problem?'"

I groaned. Was there any point in telling him I didn't want him involved with the vampire royalty that was currently camped out in forest? No. Of course not.

"I don't really know. No one tells me anything. I'm on a need to know basis, and apparently, there's nothing I need to know."

"Hmm. Well. That's not gonna cut it. Find out. I'm sure it's something the pack will need to know about." He was suddenly all business; staring off into space, thinking.

I sighed. That seemed to catch his attention. He looked back at me, seeming to sense my anger had completely dissipated.

"Sorry, Bells. I really didn't come here for information. So. Friends?" He smiled at me; the smile that I had missed for so long. And I couldn't help but form the answering smile with my own face.

"Oh, Jake. I've missed you so much! I can't stand you not in my life." I smiled at him, and he took a step towards me. His smile faded from his face—replaced with, what?

I felt slightly ill when I realized. He still… _hoped_. And what I had just said was fuel to that fire. I mentally slapped myself. As if before hadn't been enough. I needed to lead him on—_again_.

He slowly moved towards me; staring me in the eyes. Oh, God. Why? Why couldn't he just see the mess that I truly was—see that I couldn't ever give him the love I had once been capable of? The love he deserved? I reflected on my thoughts earlier in the evening. There was no chance. It had been easy to think that then—when I hadn't seen or talked to Jacob in months. I had forgotten what it felt like to have him near—how _good_ it felt. So now...

He stopped in front of me, gently placing his hands on my shoulders. I tilted my face up towards his; he was over a head taller than me. I gasped a little when I realized his face was so close to mine.

"Bella…" He said gently before be pulled my lips toward his, barely brushing them.

* * *

I didn't sleep all night. After Jacob had left, I had honestly tried, but I was way too keyed up.

What had I done? Obviously the lack of sleep and frazzled nerves had seriously impaired my judgment.

He. Kissed. Me.

And worse yet, I had let him. Ugh. This was helping nothing. I was going to need serious shock therapy after all this was over.

I lay in bed until I heard Charlie pull away for his weekly Sunday fishing trip. Apparently he had given up on yard work for the weekend. I couldn't blame him; after my little episode yesterday he deserved a day to himself. And I was also glad to be alone for the day.

I pulled back the covers and stepped on the floor, only to slip back into my bed. I looked down to where my foot had given way. Oh. Right. I had landed on my well-weathered copy of _Wuthering_ _Heights, _which had fallen to the floor courteously of my early morning wake up call.

I looked around my bed. Tissue box, alarm clock, plastic cup, and my book were on the floor. I picked them up and remembered. My ring.

I crawled over to the dresser and stuck my hand underneath to feel around. Nothing. Hmm. I bent down farther to take a look. I started to panic when I didn't see anything, either.

_"Oh God. Mom is going to kill me." _

I got up and pushed the dresser farther down the wall so I could look better. Still nothing. I got down on my hands and knees and looked over the space. I noticed on floorboard in particular had larger gap in between it and the next board. Just big enough for a ring to fit through.

Of course. That was my luck, wasn't it?

I trudged downstairs to the shed out back to find a flashlight and something to pull the board back far enough.

I came back up with a crowbar; hopefully I wouldn't damage the floor. I'm sure Charlie wouldn't appreciate that.

I got down on my knees again with the flashlight and shined it in between the crack. Something reflected back at me. Not my ring, something… silver? It was iridescent too. It had a rainbow cast to it. It had a rounded edge until it disappeared under the wooden plank. I searched on the other side, and instead of finding the same thing, there was a piece of paper.

I was beyond confused. What was this stuff?

I looked again, closer at the paper. It was a photo. There was hand… a perfect, smooth, white hand.

I immediately stood up and backed away towards the opposite wall.

No. There's no way. Right? It must be something else. He wouldn't—he didn't—he—he—.

Logic took over at the moment. What else could it possibly be? I seriously doubted Charlie hid something in the floorboards of my room. And it was way too ironic that it would be a CD and pictures—the exact same things that he took so many months ago.

Besides. I _knew_ that hand like it was my own. It could only belong to one person.

Oh, God. My breathing hitched and I made it to the edge of my bed before I collapsed, still clutching the crowbar and flashlight.

"_It'll be as if I never existed." _

The words flooded my memory and I was paralyzed with the pain. Why? He had obviously hid them here. But what for? I wouldn't have ever found them unless fate had intervened like it had last night. I clutched at my chest. I knew exactly what those pictures were of. But it had been so long since I had seen his face.

The Cullens had no family pictures in the house—I had secretly searched every room when they returned.

I could remember _him_—the fundamentals at least. His perfectly messy bronze hair. His gold eyes. His smooth perfect skin. His full lips. These things I could still vaguely see in my mind.

What I couldn't remember was the feel of his hair in my hands. The sweet smell of his skin. The feel of his cold lips moving on mine. The sound of his perfect voice calling my name. The loving look in his eyes…

The last was the most painful. It had been so long since I had seen him look like that—it was even before he had said goodbye. I knew the picture wouldn't bring back any of the forgotten things; but somehow I wondered if that look would be captured in at least one photo.

I had to find out.

With new found determination, I threw myself off the bed and back on the floor. Crowbar in hand, I slowly pried the board back far enough to slip my hand under and pull the treasure out. On top of the CD was my forgotten ring. Huh. That was just a perk of this discovery. With shaking hands, I picked up the CD, not ready to look at the photos yet. I sighed. This was one of the last things he had touched before he left. I glanced back at my CD player sitting on my nightstand.

No, I wasn't ready for that yet.

I set it on top of dresser and turned my attention back to the pictures.

The one on top had been the picture of him and my father, sitting in the living room, just days before he left. His face—still inhumanly and painfully beautiful, was cold. There was no life in his dark eyes—he actually looked like the statue he could be.

The painful truth was I would rather have him like this, but in my life, then not at all.

I flipped to the next picture and sighed. Same night, different person next to him. Me. I was very aware of the heartbreaking contrast between the two of us. Even with the same cold look on his face, he was infinitely more beautiful than me. I vaguely remember folding this picture in half when I placed it in my photo album. He had smoothed it out, the crease barely visible before he hid it. Hmm.

While I continued to stared at this picture, I was wondering what was underneath in the last photo. I couldn't remember taking any other pictures that night, so I couldn't place it. I didn't know if I could face another one of him with the same look on his face. I took a deep breath and flipped to the next picture.

My hand flew to my mouth as I gasped. The tears began to flow down my face relentlessly. I remembered now.

Taken in the kitchen, just before we left for his house on my birthday. Before everything had happened. Before he decided that he did not want me. Or at least, before he told me that.

No, that's not right. Looking into his warm gold eyes, there was no doubt of what he felt for me then. It hurt me to think about how so much had changed, so quickly.

He had loved me. At one time, he had. But did that matter now? Did that help in any way? Knowing that I had had him, and lost him? Or had it been easier when I believed he was never mine to begin with? I didn't know. Both caused the painful hole in my chest to throb.

And I didn't have time to think about it either.

"Bella! I'm here to get you! And it looks like it's just in time too. After last night—and don't think I don't know what happened just because the dog blocks my visions. He's the only kind that can, so it made that easy. Look, you know I don't approve of you hanging—"

I jumped at the sound of her voice, and turned to face her when she abruptly stopped.

Her mouth fell open, as she zeroed in on the picture I still clung to.

It had to be first time Alice was completely speechless.

She stood still for over a minute, not blinking. Just starting at his face.

When she finally snapped out of it, she seemed to take everything else in with one swift glance. The moved dresser, then crowbar on the floor, the CD, my tear-stained face.

She moved quickly to me, kneeling and wrapping her tiny arms around me. I leaned my face on her shoulder and began to sob once more.

"Oh, Bella… It's alright. It's going to be OK. Everything will be OK…" She repeated over to me as I sat, ruining her shirt with my tears.

After the few minutes, I jerked myself up and stared at her. "How? How could it possibly ever be OK again? I'm never going to be fine! I am never going to be whole again, Alice! Don't you see that?" I let out a dark, humorless chuckle. Of all people, Alice _should_ be able to see _that_. "Alice, I'll never be the same. I'll never be _me_ without _him_."

She didn't answer; stunned into silence or just being careful, I wasn't sure. She just continued to rock me back in forth, slowly soothing me.

Finally she said, "Bella, I know this is horrid timing, but you need to come with me. It's happening soon, and I can't take any chances."

There was nothing left in me. No desire to fight her on this. I just nodded.

We stood up, and she hugged me hard to her granite chest. "I'll wait downstairs and let you get packed…" She eyed the CD meaningfully on my dresser. "Be quick, pack only what you need. I must get home to speak to Carlisle has quick as possible."

I knew what she meant by 'only what you need.' It was obvious.

She left, and I hurried to my closet and grabbed the first things I touched. Who cared if I matched? Alice would probably produce a new outfit for me somehow during my stay. I ran to the bathroom, grabbed shampoo and my toothbrush. When I came back to my room, I threw everything in my duffel bag.

I glanced at the CD and the pictures still lying on my floor. I grabbed the one of just him, the CD and tucked the secretly away in my bag. I didn't care if Alice saw. What would she do about it? I was determined now.

There was something I needed to do.

* * *

**Alright loves! You know what to do now... Review. Duhh. :)  
**

* * *


	12. Author's Note

Ohhh, my dear, loyal readers. Well, at least you were before I stopped writing. Completely. I want to apologize for my long, unexplained absence. I'm so sorry! I never intended to leave this story completely for so long… I really just wasn't feelin' it once summer ended.

For me, writing is all about the setting—not just of the story but when I write the story. I began all this in the summer, and it was a great little hobby of mine. I dearly loved it, and have missed it for the past year. But I just couldn't keep going once I got into the groove of my normal life. School is demanding, as we all know, and basically takes 1st priority with me. Also, being in my apartment, with my 3 other roommates, trying to write a story would have seemed like a huge invasion of my privacy. No one—except for all who read this—know I write. It's some sort of closet hobby of mine. I'm not sure if I'm scared to show other people my writing or what, but I'm just really protective of it. So writing with everyone around, wondering what I was doing… ehh. Was not appealing.

And as time went on, I lost interest. I forgot how much fun it was to write, hear all your thoughts, read your comments… it was replaced with other things—priorities—in my life.

But that doesn't seem to be the case any longer.

I'm writing to you, my readers—or, rather what's left of you—to tell you I'm back!

So… why write a note? I could've easily just added the new chapter and you are all bright enough to figure that I was picking it back up again. But I thought I give you a heads up. This way you can reread chapters to be caught up for when I begin this.

So, please. Get caught up, refresh on everything that's happening, because I now have every intention of seeing this story through by the end of the summer.

Ok. First post: No later than 06/08/09.


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